Takumi the Speed Racist
by Red Dragonette
Summary: This was just a little parody that I decided to write based on this Speed Racer video I found on Youtube called "Speed Racist". It was so funny that I decided to replace the characters with the FE cast in this modern AU. Takumi fits the Speed Racist role well because he hates the Nohrian nobles after all the harm their country has caused to Hoshido.
After purchasing a new history book from Barnes & Nobles', Leo walked down the street, carrying the book in his hand as he went. He didn't need no car or anything to get home as the bookstore wasn't that far from his house. Reading history was one of Leo's favorite hobbies. It thought him everything about the world like how great leaders made their countries economically strong or why the terrible mistakes in the past must not be repeated. The blonde planned on having a career in politics and it was necessary that he studied everything if he was to be an excellent governor. Unseen birds were heard singing to one another in the background. Leo wasn't really all that much for bird songs as they weren't all that interesting. Soon, his house appeared in sight and it became much bigger as he reached closer in proximity.

As he made it to the mailbox, the boy felt the presence of a very fast vehicle nearby. A sound of a running engine was heard, starting quiet in the distance until it quickly became louder as it drew near. Leo looked to the side where the car was approaching from and saw a white convertible car with three people in it. One of them was a certain pony-tailed guy he was never too happy to see. It was Takumi, the driver of the car, and he was hanging out with his friends, Hinata and Oboro. As the car passed by Leo, Takumi sneered at the blonde mockingly and shouted his typical insult, **"NOHRIAN SCUM!"**

Annoyed by his words, Leo glared after his arch enemy and watched his car zoom on by. Apparently, the foolish Hoshidan has his eyes off the road as the convertible seemed not to slow down when another vehicle was about to get in the way. The convertible neared the sudan as Hinata was heard shouting, **"Takumi, watch out!"** His warning had come too late as the car crashed hard into the other. Leo had to shut his brown eyes tight not only to block the bright light of the flames' combustion, but to also avoid seeing gruesome crash that he felt was very painful. After he opened up his eyes, the blonde started to see both vehicles on fire. Arthur, the driver of the other car, had died in the accident. His chronic bad luck had finally offed him. The orange-yellowish light the flames radiated shown on the road, the trees, the houses' windows, and even on Leo himself.

Takumi felt pain from the injuries he suffered, due to his careless mistake. He looked to his friends to find that they were in a similar state. To the blue-haired girl, he shouted, **"Oboro, call an ambulance!"** Oboro took out her smartphone and started dialing the emergency number. While she alerted the hospital, Hinata started patting out the flames off his body as he let out frantic cries. That was when Takumi felt his body burning like he touched a turned-on stove. To his shock and horror, he found fire dancing on some parts of his body. The grayish-brown-haired boy shouted, **"Oh dear karma, we're on fire!"** Upon noticing the damage to his skin, he saw the flesh beneath it being exposed. **"Nooo, I'm slowly melting away!"**

Leo huffed scornfully at his rival's fate, believing this was what the pineapple head deserved for being a hateful jerk on the road. That, along with speeding as well.

Takumi continued his wailing, **"I'm engulfed in searing hot regret! How inconvenient!"** He felt another intense burn from the spreading fire as he yelled in pain, **"Argh! I'm okay from the crash, but the fire! Oh, sweet sassy molassy!"**

Leo let out a bored sigh as he began to lose interest in the Hoshidans' suffering. He turned his attention to the mailbox, wondering what today's mail was and who got them. The blonde opened the mailbox and begun to look at each of the letters to see who they were addressed to.

Pretty soon, Takumi thought of an idea that would save himself and hopefully the others. He suggested to himself, **"Maybe if I trigger the ejection seats!"** But just as he tried to push the button for it, the seats glitched and damaged the three friends' privates instead. Hinata let out a yowch, while Oboro screamed in agony. Even Takumi himself was in pain as he yelled, **"Ow, my balls!"**

Upon hearing that, Leo took his eyes off the letters to see what had just happened to the Hoshidans.

Hinata held his aching balls as he glared at his male friend and yelled, **"Damn it, Takumi! Why'd you have to go and do that?!"**

The pony-tailed boy yelled back defensively, **"I was just trying to save our lives!"** Just then, he noticed something different about his body the moment he raised his hand. Scared of what he witnessed, he checked himself to see if his condition had changed. It did. Parts of his skin had darkened into a blackish color. He shouted horrified, **"My skin is seared black!"** That was not the only thing that happened. On top of it all, there was burn mark on the back of his other hand that resembled an emblem of Nohr. It seems like the fire had played an ironic joke on him in an attempt to piss him off. Takumi dropped his mouth in shock and said, **"Oh gods, now I see the irony of my racism! Which is an irony of within itself because my eyes have melted out of my skull!"** Even though it was a figure of speech, the intense heat had made it feel like his eyes were melting. For all he knew, they would probably eventually melt into white gooey puddles if he didn't get out of the car fast.

While the Hoshidan screamed in agony, Leo went back to checking the rest of the letters. Some of them were bills and some were just plain, useless junk mail.

Takumi continued to scream, **"I can't help but think my racist tendencies were related to all the bad things Nohrians did to me!"** It all started when his father got killed by the Nohrian soldiers during the war when he was a small child. Then during his school days, the boy would get bullied by Nohrian kids. His troubles didn't end there as the last straw happened when his stepmother, Mikoto, got killed by a Nohrian. Takumi blamed this incident on his Nohrian-raised stepbrother, Corrin. After recalling these incidents, memories of his bigotry towards every Nohrian he saw burned into his mind. They were mostly those who never had involvement with any of his troubles. The most infamous of these moments was when he made Elise cry. **"I broke people's hearts the way the impact broke my sternum! Is that ironic?"**

Oboro understood her boyfriend's motive in racism well. After all, she also suffered at the hands of Nohrians when they killed her parents. She answered, **"Nope, not at all."**

The archer seemed to disagree a bit as he was unsure about her answered, He said, **"I don't know, maybe I'm misinterpreting irony."** He let out a frustrated screamed as he grabbed his head tightly. **"I don't know!"** he cried.

After he was finished looking through the mail, Leo head on over to the door to get away from the drama that was going on. He might as well go call Arthur's wife, Effie, on the phone and let her know of her husband's death. Even the fire department will be called, if Oboro didn't already, to save the three. But this wasn't an act of kindness for the bums; Leo was just doing the right thing according to the law. When the blond reached the doorstep, he expected upon entering to find his sister, Elise, watching some stupid show like Teen Titans Go. Beside her would be their adopted sister, Kamui, sitting beside her as they watched the cartoon together. The older girl sure loved to hang around her little sister. Leo went inside his house and closed the door behind him. He saw exactly what he predicted.

Hinata and Oboro finally got themselves free of their seats and attempted to save their friend. The girl slapped her hands on the flames on her boyfriend to try to put them out. Takumi looked confused, wondering as to why his friends were still here. Their burned appearances had gotten worse after a minute of getting seared. Their fleshes were exposed, their clothes had been gradually eaten by the fire, their hair was disappearing and they were charred black. The pony-tailed boy asked, **"What are you guys, doing?"**

Hinata unbuckled the other boy's seat belt as he answered, **"Trying to save you, that's what."  
**  
It was clear that they cared about Takumi's life, but the boy was just as worried for these two. He didn't want them to risk their lives to death for just one person. He shook his head and urged them to leave, **"Go! Escape while you can!"** But his friends disobeyed and stayed persistent in trying to save his life. The archer frantically begged, **"No! No, guys! Please! Please! The fire is spreading!"** The fire had been reaching more of the areas on the car every second and it was almost reaching the gas tank. **"Guys, please! Go on without me!"**

Oboro yelled defiantly, **"No!"**

Takumi plead, **"Don't be heroes, guys!"** Then Hinata and Oboro both let out loud screams of death as the fire burned out their lives. The bodies collapsed and went limp. The archer's eyes went wide with anguish as he screamed, **"No! No! Hinata! Oboro! No! Oh gods, why?! My two best friends!"**

After making the phone calls, Leo went to the window and closed the blinder.

Takumi grabbed his own head with both hands as he continued, **"Oh gods! Why did it have to be my friends?!"** Looking down at his friends' bodies, he recalled his good memories of them. **"Oboro used to make us cool clothes and Hinata would play 1st-person shooters with me! But now they burn!"** Tears started streaming out of his eyes and down his face. The loss of those he loved was just too much for him. **"Why!"** he screamed at the sky as he choked between sobs. **"Oboro... Hinata..."** he murmured sadly. After a bit of grieving, the boy felt guilt that he himself had caused this incident in the first place. **"Well, this is what happens when you live a life of hate. I could have said "Have a nice day", but no! Dead friends."** Then his vision started to grow dim. It looks like the grim reaper was about to take his life next. Accepting death's welcome arms, Takumi said, **"It's going black. Here I come, guys! Your best friend's coming home!"** More tears poured out of his eyes and he sobbed so loudly. Just then, he pulled the door handle without thinking and noticed that the door had just opened. His sorrow became hope as the boy said, **"Hey, the door's still works."** He tested it out by opening it and closing it a few times. He frowned in annoyance as he said, **"Those damn child locks get me every time."** Suddenly, the car exploded and killed the remaining teen after the fire had touched the gas tank. Arthur's car had exploded with it as well. Some pieces of the vehicles flew everywhere from car hides, wheels and Takumi's convertible's bumper. Among them was the boy's favorite bow, which he named Fujin Yumi, which flew out of the car and hit the black surface of the road. It laid there with the damages it sustained from the explosion.

A cobalt blue car drove into the parkway of the Nohrian family's residence and parked there. Silas got out of his vehicle. He had come here to visit his best friend, Kamui, and maybe take her out on a date later. But now he was looking at the fiery heap that was out on the street. Curious as to what transpired there, he asked himself, **"What the heck just happened?"**


End file.
